Will Obama Help a homie out?

Obama been helping out his homies on the west side now it time to get my east side homies thos food stamps. I just bought a bran new Escalade with 25' rims (bling bling) but now i dont have money for food how do i apply for food stamps under Obmam's Rule? Also can he hook me up with that obama care **** so i don't need to pay for health insurance? Basic i want to sit at home doing nothing but hang around with my home dogs and get paid, how? Obama Help me out.